Music Talk Board

In the spirit of actually using this subforum (and because I am actually trying to find opinions on this), here's a song I'm writing. It is mostly done, I've been revising it for quite a while now (several years actually). The only thing to finish is Verse 4, but I feel confident enough in the rest of it to ask for opinions. The song is sort of religious in nature (but also philosophical); verse 3 (and the soon-to-be verse 4) focus on self-improvement. So...


Verse 1:
Burn into my spirit, sear into my soul
Blow me away, I say
Sweep me up like a tornado
You set me down on a solid, weathered rock
My only fear and reason

Chorus:
Genesis ascendant
Master of the universe
The only omnipotent being
Genesis ascendant
Dire but fair, master of the universe

Verse 2:
Your words strike like lightning
Shatter me right now
Your voice is blazing thunder
None ever saw you and remained the same
My only fear and reason

(Chorus)

Verse 3:
Looking into myself for vice
Breaking down the causes of decay
Slowly ending my internal strife
Seeking the incomprehensible tranquility
I'm the powerslave; command me now

(Chorus)

Verse 4:
Brothers, hear my words, listen ardently
Follow the Law, the integral sum
Learn well writs in the Teaching
The way to life and your maxim
Surrender my will, take up freedom

(Chorus)

Bridge:
Entreat and commune in your name
The smoke of burnt incense rises
Heaven's come to earth
Heaven's come to earth
(Oh...)

Verse 5:
Master of mine, guide me now
I want to know my destiny
Mysterious Master, surround -- holy and wise eternally
Surrender my will, take up freedom
Command me now, here and evermore

Very well done in my opinion. The bridge defiantly turns it from good to great. Great job

Thanks! Yeah, the bridge is really kind of a turn-around for the song. Most of the song is heavily focused on Thrash-y guitar riffs, while the bridge focuses more on the string-like synths (think FF7 kind of synths). Then, it goes from the bridge into the last verse.

Anything you think I should improve?

Added a new verse (Verse 4). So, I'd say the song is now in its final draft.

what exactly is an integral sum? lol

It's when the sum of two functions that equals the sum of their integrals

(10-17-2013, 06:33 AM)wwf Wrote: [ -> ]what exactly is an integral sum? lol

lol, in context of the song, it basically means "the sum of the whole" or "complete picture". I always try to work in a few words in my lyrics that aren't commonly heard 'on the street'. hrug: