@Grungie At the end though dilbert said for darkr to share it with me and you but you didn't get a message it seems.
I feel left out, unless he knows we chat a lot.
I don't think he knows that we do, darkr probly just forgot to send the message lol.
Whoa, wicked deja vu here.
@dilbert Your so silly dilbert.
I hate people who have that one thing that they always bring into a debate or discussion, despite having little or no relevancy to the discussion.
This one woman, in any kind of serious discussion, always finds a way to mention her fucking kids, usually in some sob story kind of way (I think there's a fallacy for it, can't remember the name), and to add spice to her sob story, she'll bring up how one kid is autistic. Her having kids already had zero relevancy to the topic at hand, much less her child being autistic.
First I thought it was a coincidence, as there were a few threads popping up one after the other where the discussion was completely appropriate, or it was actually about kids. I started Noticing this as a problem after I started seeing all these irrelevant mentions of her kids.
What the hell man?! She has kids - and one of them is autistic! Yet here you are, criticising her when she has kids, and has such a hard time with her kids, because her kids are important here, not least because one is autistic. That's the real struggle, autism, and she should know - she has kids, one of which is autistic! She is struggling with her kids and all you do is insult her. She has kids, y'know, one with autism. Kids. Autism. Kids.
Darnit grungie. She has kids. Have some sympathy. One of her kids, which she has, is autistic. While the other is a kid, which she also has. So if you take this kid that she has, and put it together with this autistic kid she also has, and put them together, you get one mother with not one, but TWO kids. One of which, with autism. Watch what you say and show a little respect for those poor mothers with one kid and one autistic kid that she has to take care of because they are her kids.
God I'm so jealous and miserable right now.
It's my best friend, John. He is absolutely phenomenal at drums over the 12 years that he's been playing and teaching other people. He has dedicated most of his life since he started to it, by participating in orchestras, jazz bands, military bands, and his rock band, Waking Gray. His family quickly discovered that he was a child prodigy at drums, and because they're rather rich, they've been able to afford him to buy a custom shop Pearl Masterworks kit along with some absolutely amazing synths, along with a load of other gear that is worth a stupid amount of money. In some cases he gets his gear for pocket change. Like this one instance where he makes a deal with one of his drum students regarding a trade. John ended up trading a $300 ride cymbal he owned for an electronic organ the student's family was trying to get rid of. Evidently that family who owned it had absolutely no clue on the value of it because upon doing a little research, John realized that he just acquired an organ worth $80,000. For 300 fucking bucks!
But the fact that he gets gear that I can only dream of, seemingly out of thin air, isn't what gets me the most. It's his natural talent and the opportunities he's been given. His band, Waking Gray has just finished recording 4 of their songs in a professional studio yesterday. Mixing engineers are used to seeing the sorts that consider themselves hot shit with their instruments, but even the engineers were amazed at how someone who has been playing drums for 12 years has become so proficient. They told him that he is very, very close to being world class, with the likes of Mike Mangini, Gavin Harrison and Mike Portnoy. John is more optimistic than ever now. He said to me before I went to bed that he now knows that music is his life purpose. And he is determined to do anything, even if it means being a homeless person on the streets, to see his band be successful. And in me seeing his relentless dedication in his craft, I know that he means it. He never says anything without meaning it.
His unfolding success tears me apart in so many ways. Not only is he unabashedly following his dreams, and he has had the connections and resources to fuel it, the greatest thing I'm jealous of him for is that he knows what he wants.
Throughout my entire life, I have always approached life half-heartedly, whether it's my work or my hobbies or the relationships in my family because I still don't know what I want my life to be about after contemplating for so long. And it's all my fault. A part of me even wants me never to know the ecstasy of meaning, as it's all part of liberating my self-hatred. It's mental self-harm. I almost want to be a shitty, cynical, jealous and bitter person because perhaps then I'll be miserable enough to end all this suffering by killing myself.
I absolutely love John. He is the most wonderful person I've ever known and probably will ever know. He represents everything I've ever wanted to be. I've always wanted to be an incredible musician, but I've never put in enough dedication to do so. And again, part of me wishes I never will be dedicated.
At times, the same part of me that wishes me dead wishes me to live on for the sake of death chastity. So that the torture can eat away at my heart even further.