08-16-2014, 12:34 AM
(08-16-2014, 12:17 AM)peternorthstars Wrote:I think you're placing too much emphasis on empathy towards one's kids. A parent shouldn't be letting empathy rule their decisions. Yes, you need to consider your kid's feelings, but the parent still needs to be able to step back and view the situation in a "Bigger Picture" kind of light.crazysam Wrote:Don't read so much into that, dude. I wasn't demeaning anyoneI'm just trying to explain why an argument like that only reinforces the problem. An inability to be empathetic towards the situation your kid is in and be understanding.
Quote:You can't reinforce responsibility when you restrict your son or daughter's ability to actually learn some responsibility. "My house my rules" doesn't really work when young people are showing responsibility and maturity by staying at home in the first place. It takes discipline to stay in a situation where you are sacrificing your freedom and happiness to make an intelligent decision for your future.Yes, and that is commendable. But that doesn't mean, since your parents own the house, that they shouldn't be able to have things the way they want it.
Let's give another example. Suppose you have a roommate. You and your roommate (who are both contributing financially, hopefully) decide on rules and generally use good manners. The thing is, you both are sharing that house/apartment.
But see, your roommate isn't your parents. Your roommate has no responsibility over you (in the sense your parents do, when you still live at home) and has no emotional attachment to you beyond friendship (hopefully). The dynamic between an adult child and adult parents is still a parent-child dynamic. Your parents still have their parental authority, regardless of your age.
Quote:Having an open discussion about expectations towards keeping the house running and helping out with expenses, that's perfectly reasonable. That's reinforcing responsibility and making sure your kid is learning how to be responsible and self-sufficient.Agreed.
Quote:Restricting leaving the house and stopping the person from having a healthy social life isn't.Assuming this is the case, yes.
But, no offense to carl, we're not seeing his parent's side. He has already said he has lied to his parents about where he is going. (carl, I'm not judging you or anything, I'm just saying.) If his parents figured that out, maybe they feel like they shouldn't trust someone who lies to them to "drive safely".
Quote:That's treating a young adult like they are some misbehaving juvenile that got caught smoking a joint in the school bathroom during grade 8 math class.Since smoking a joint is both against school/workplace policies and against the law in the US, I don't know that this is the best example.
Quote:Let kids trying to learn how to be adults act like adults. Treat them like adults.The counter to this is that adult kids should act like adults.
As mentioned before, maybe carl's parents have figured out he is lying to them about where he goes and have therefore decided he isn't responsible enough to "drive safely". (Again, not judging you, carl. I'm just trying to emphasize that your parents might see it that way.)