04-02-2014, 05:22 AM
I'm really starting to feel really fucking fed up.
All I do is try to get better at composing, but I just don't. I've been composing for six years now and although I've improved, it's been at a snail's pace. I look at some people who write entire albums in a matter of a couple weeks and I can't get a simple song done in a matter of months even though writing music is the main thing I do outside school. I feel like I'm wasting my fucking life because my music """career""" is not budging a fucking inch no matter how hard I try. Like for example, I've been "working" on a four-part instrumental rock suite since 2012 and I've only got 2 of those four parts, both of which aren't even done. Every time I try working on them, nothing ever comes of it and it drives me fucking insane.
I seriously need help with this. I feel like I raise the bar too high for myself but it just really pisses me off that I can't come up with basic riffs or hooks I genuinely love that I wind up developing into actual songs. I want to do generally accessible music, yes, but it needs to be interesting and memorable. I don't want to wind up being one of those people who have one hit that in five years are going to be forgotten forever.
It's not even just composing. Life in general feels like a fucking prison. I can't get anything done when I want to. I've been meaning to get a new guitar for years now and there are always constraints. Like now, since the beginning of the year I've been losing a ton of money without realizing it (I thought my parents were taking care of my essential spendings) and somewhat recently I discovered that I have gone from approximately 4000$ to under 900$ within this year. Forget getting a new guitar, or other material for music.
I want to express myself artistically but for some reason I just can't. I'm chained. I can't even have the fashion sense I want. I've wanted to dye my hair white, considered a piercing or two, and others, but because of constraints, I have no access to them, but they would greatly help me express myself implicitly.
I want to make videos on Youtube so that I could get exposure from there but I never have anything to say, and if I do, I can't actually produce the video because I don't have necessary software or material, for example.
I've wanted to get into photography for a while because I always come across scenes that would make great photographs, but ultimately cannot take the snapshots as I don't have a decent camera.
I cannot fucking express myself and it's starting to drive me fucking insane. I'm shackled.
And I feel like an ungrateful bitch because this feels like something incredibly superficial to be complaining about.
All I do is try to get better at composing, but I just don't. I've been composing for six years now and although I've improved, it's been at a snail's pace. I look at some people who write entire albums in a matter of a couple weeks and I can't get a simple song done in a matter of months even though writing music is the main thing I do outside school. I feel like I'm wasting my fucking life because my music """career""" is not budging a fucking inch no matter how hard I try. Like for example, I've been "working" on a four-part instrumental rock suite since 2012 and I've only got 2 of those four parts, both of which aren't even done. Every time I try working on them, nothing ever comes of it and it drives me fucking insane.
I seriously need help with this. I feel like I raise the bar too high for myself but it just really pisses me off that I can't come up with basic riffs or hooks I genuinely love that I wind up developing into actual songs. I want to do generally accessible music, yes, but it needs to be interesting and memorable. I don't want to wind up being one of those people who have one hit that in five years are going to be forgotten forever.
It's not even just composing. Life in general feels like a fucking prison. I can't get anything done when I want to. I've been meaning to get a new guitar for years now and there are always constraints. Like now, since the beginning of the year I've been losing a ton of money without realizing it (I thought my parents were taking care of my essential spendings) and somewhat recently I discovered that I have gone from approximately 4000$ to under 900$ within this year. Forget getting a new guitar, or other material for music.
I want to express myself artistically but for some reason I just can't. I'm chained. I can't even have the fashion sense I want. I've wanted to dye my hair white, considered a piercing or two, and others, but because of constraints, I have no access to them, but they would greatly help me express myself implicitly.
I want to make videos on Youtube so that I could get exposure from there but I never have anything to say, and if I do, I can't actually produce the video because I don't have necessary software or material, for example.
I've wanted to get into photography for a while because I always come across scenes that would make great photographs, but ultimately cannot take the snapshots as I don't have a decent camera.
I cannot fucking express myself and it's starting to drive me fucking insane. I'm shackled.
And I feel like an ungrateful bitch because this feels like something incredibly superficial to be complaining about.