03-27-2014, 03:35 AM
(03-27-2014, 03:06 AM)JoelCarli Wrote:The phrase is "hard work". What I mean is, people don't always feel like they love someone. But if they and the other person work at it, then it pays off. Love is odd, in that it's the one emotion that isn't always expressed in an emotional way. Sometimes, it's just sticking it out through all the bullshit, man.(03-27-2014, 01:58 AM)crazysam23 Wrote: I was mostly using that phrase to regard someone you'd consider marrying.Mhm, I assumed that's likely what you meant after I posted.
Still, I feel that, because I don't believe in soul mates, relationships are ultimately empty and don't objectively or inherently "mean" anything. Which is really depressing when you think about it. Love comes in small doses and is ephemeral. Love nihilism, so to speak. Yes, it might happen that you find love that lasts, but that's just sheer luck with some external factors.
Honestly though, I think you're letting a lot of your past color your outlook. Love nihilism might be ok for you. But such an outlook may be unhealthy. (I'm not going to bother judging your mental state in this matter, as that'd be rather presumptuous. I'm just saying, be careful with how you see it and recognize how it may or may not color your actions.)
(03-27-2014, 03:06 AM)JoelCarli Wrote: I doubt even a mother can consistently love her child after he or she spits in her face enough times.You'd be surprised.
(03-27-2014, 03:06 AM)JoelCarli Wrote: I sure as hell have endured a lot of crap and have lost the ability to give a shit about the other person, whom I once thought I loved unconditionally.Well, you did love them unconditionally. But the saying goes, "Don't throw pearls to swine". In other words, if someone's not being receptive towards your loving actions (romantic or platonic), then it isn't worth your effort. That doesn't mean you don't love the person. It just means that you couldn't keep throwing yourself out there. If your emotional health suffers for your efforts, then it's not worth it.
(03-27-2014, 03:06 AM)JoelCarli Wrote: And concepts like "compassion" and "empathy" are not "love", as far as I can tell. I still don't get why people call them love, when they're compassion and empathy. Yes, they are definitely important, perhaps two of the most important aspects to humanity, but when I donate to the blood drive, I most often don't/can't love the person I'm donating to, clearly, because I most likely don't even know them. I do it out of compassion and moral duty, because I should. Then there's also the cynicism that comes into the picture.I would say that love can sometimes be expressed in acts of compassion or empathy. But love is NOT compassion or empathy. I can give my kidney for my father, because I love him. But I could also give my kidney to a stranger, because of compassion and moral duty.
(03-27-2014, 03:06 AM)JoelCarli Wrote:No, I think I understand...at least, partially. When people you love hurt you, it feels a lot worse than if someone random dude off the street hurts you. You value the opinion of someone you love a lot more. You care about how they think and feel about you. And it scars you when they don't show something reciprocal.(03-27-2014, 01:58 AM)crazysam23 Wrote: Most of that is true. BUT don't let yourself get too jaded by your experiences and the loose way people treat love. I've found that a lot of people grow out of treating love that way. There's always a rare few who never treat love that way, too.Of course. This is why, though, I mentioned a person you are 100% certain are legit and are for keeps, but then winds up becoming the greatest disappointment you've ever had. Not that I want to be a downer or despair-mongerer to anybody here, certainly not.
And the really loving people -- the ones you want to keep around, so to speak (romantic or platonic or even family) -- will never treat you that way.
(03-27-2014, 03:06 AM)JoelCarli Wrote:Really nothing wrong with that. I know society acts like there is. But there's not. If you're happier being single, be single!(03-27-2014, 01:58 AM)crazysam23 Wrote: Of course, everyone changes. The key is working at it to keep going (romantically or in a platonic sense), despite the changes. And that takes effort on the part of both people. If the other person isn't willing to extend that effort, well...you did your part...hrug:Of course. I already didn't really care for a relationship before I was screwed over (by a platonic love, mind you), though, so it's not really a big deal that I don't want to have a significant other. If I could be this era's artistic and perhaps philosophical analogue to Tesla (hopefully minus the whole someone-rips-me-off-and-gets-all-the-credit part), I'd be OK with that. Glory over romance.
Just try not to let your past experiences keep you from future happiness. Easier said than done, right? But you'll be happier in the long run if you can learn to do that.
(03-27-2014, 03:06 AM)JoelCarli Wrote: Heck, as weird as it sounds, I'm not sure I'd even want a sexual relationship with a significant other if I ever get one. Simply because of the way people treat love and sex, I sometimes feel that a sexual relationship with someone I love would somehow 'tarnish' my relationship with them, or, best-case scenario, equate them with everyone else I've ever slept with or been in a relationship in, even those I may currently hate (the "I" in this case refers to anybody, not me specifically. I've never had a girlfriend or sexual congress, nor do I like saying I "hate" anybody). Yeah. Go figure. Even I'm not sure I "get" my reasoning.Well...it's kind of hard to have a romantic relationship with someone without any physical intimacy. Women really feel that kind of thing more than us men. (Even though, a lot of girls just disregard that feeling by sleeping around.) In a significant other type of relationship, if there's no physical signs of affection...that can make your significant other feel pretty shitty. Like they're not good enough.
So, I get what you're saying. Just, it's not just about you, when it comes to a romantic relationship. The other person will probably need some sort of physical validation. hrug:
As I said before though, there's nothing wrong with being single either.