I don't know if I'll actually move into a dorm. I was just thinking out loud with that. Still I'd take annoying people over condescending people.
UPDATE: It's getting even worse just within the past few hours. They told me I'm 'not allowed' to babysit anymore, because I'll be 'too busy with college'. Not a loss or anything, but as the conversation continued, they pretty much implied they don't want me doing anything most of the time because 'you won't have time'. Yes, I will be very busy between school and work but it's not going to consume my whole life lol, and regardless they shouldn't control what I do in my time like this.
Semi-related rant in spoilers:
I need to get this off my chest as well because there's no other place for it. Except maybe the hugging thread on UG but whatever.
I'm too stupid, I'm never the person to come up with some stroke of genius in a situation. I don't remember the last time I ever did anything intelligent. My friend's father has told me that I seem like a smart individual, but he doesn't know my inadequacies. He just made such a comment because I've passed the most difficult year of my BSC in Computer-aided Design.* But I expect myself to do far better in that. I'm too ignorant, I don't know enough. And my lack of perspective in knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life is prohibiting me from building my integrity. I know that everyone my age supposedly feels that way, but it's so acute that it causes me to cease the ability to function. I sleep in every single day, usually until 4pm because I dread opening my eyes to the world I was born into and the responsibilities I'm contractually obliged to. I'm so fucking pathetic for that. I wish I was just a pragmatic zombie that simply got on with shit.
*Which is a course I hate. I'm only doing it because I had no other choice given my circumstances and none of the careers I have ambition in doing, therapy/psychology/psychiatry, I haven't decided yet are all very expensive and time-consuming degrees to acquire and don't even provide that many job opportunities.
Upon re-reading this, this post is completely incoherent.
I sometimes feel this way, though under different circumstances.
A lot of it is probably confidence. When I tell myself I'm a creative genius, I feel like I'm a creative genius. Your situation is more serious than just that when you bring in your career though. I can't really help you in that, but from what I've seen most people figure it out.
How far along in this process are you? Was this your third year and you're done now?
(08-16-2014, 11:43 PM)carlcockatoo Wrote: [ -> ]I sometimes feel this way, though under different circumstances.
A lot of it is probably confidence. When I tell myself I'm a creative genius, I feel like I'm a creative genius.
You know, that's something else I've noticed. The 'fake it till you make it' idea that just about every therapist I've seen tries to use to explain their ideology of building self-confidence. It's a double standard in cognitive behavioral therapy. They consider 'fake it till you make it' as being a positive train of thought, but then if the 'fake it till you make it' philosophy is applied when thinking negatively, then they consider it a cognitive distortion known as Emotional Reasoning- "If I feel this way about my own inadequacies, then it must be true!" How are the two mutually exclusive?
I've really wanted to ask a trained psychologist that question, but I never had the time during therapy to make that observation. £70/hour doesn't give me very much time for contemplation.
(08-16-2014, 11:43 PM)carlcockatoo Wrote: [ -> ]Your situation is more serious than just that when you bring in your career though. I can't really help you in that, but from what I've seen most people figure it out.
How far along in this process are you? Was this your third year and you're done now?
I've just completed the second year of three. The year I've just completed is said to be the most difficult year in terms of workload. The final year is going to be somewhat easier, but it'll be worth 70% of my final grade for the course overall.
From talking to my friend's dad, (over in MA when I was on my trip) he said that on that fact alone that I must be a pretty capable person, but I just don't see it. He doesn't really know me well enough to consider me 'capable'. My parents consider me utterly incompetent, and completely unprepared for real life. And I agree, even though they don't really know me very well either.
Woah there is no faking. I actually am a creative genius, and so are you. You've admitted you're a capable individual, you just have to channel it properly. 8)
It's too late for to change course (I don't literally mean your course but that too) at university it seems. I don't think this is the bitter end though. You can apply it to get a more desirable path. I think that this is ultimately just a nervous, uncertain time for you that isn't being helped by unconfident and depressed behaviour.
Those aren't things that I'm able to magically cure though, so I apologise for not being more helpful. I think that you are looking at your situation through narrow lenses though, and that maybe you should widen your perspective. That's a bit vague, I know.
I didn't say that I was capable, my friend's dad did.
It was too late to change course before the course even started lol. Financial problems put me between a rock and a hard place, because if I changed my major, I'd have to pay twice as much for my tuition fees. I do plan on doing some other course, but it won't be for a long, long time.
And it's okay if you can't provide a solution, it would be unreasonable to expect a solution.
Some of my self-confidence problems come from how bigoted my parents are. You can read about it in the "how society can improve it's view on depression' thread on UG. First page. That's a whole other issue.
I have been in that situation and that's pretty similar to what I've been ranting about in here. Yours is worse because you're openly depressed though. That's not something I'd call myself right now but I've been pretty mentally fucked in the past and I briefly did counseling and all that. I understand it to an extent.
I can't help you on that because my solution is: 1. Never talk about anything that could potentially lead to that discussion and 2. Try to ignore everything that makes me feel that way.
Depression is a complex issue so I don't know what to tell you there, only that I hope it gets better.
Regarding your course all I can do is repeat the idea that I'm sure you can apply it in a way that is worthwhile to you, but it won't be great at first.
Thank you for understanding, man. It's only on the internet that I can get support for things like this.
It's my mum's birthday tomorrow, and I'm struggling to think what to write in her card.
Which made me realize how bullshit it is that so many cards already have messages printed inside of them, as if whoever designs these cards thinks that people are too lazy to write anything meaningful of their own, for their own significant other. :roll:
What ever happened to just having a blank card that allows people to write a decently lengthy and meaningful message? Already having a pre-printed message in the card looks so superficial and insincere. So much so that I'm often tempted to tippex out the message. Why can't more cards just be blank on the inside? :x
I know it's only a small thing, but it's really, really annoying to me.
I was never fond of giving/getting those cards, but I always thought the ones with the messages already in them kind of shows how little shits you give about the person you're giving the card to.